


absence makes the heart grow fonder

by sugdensquad



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Heartache, Heavy Angst, Loss, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-09 02:30:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6885487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugdensquad/pseuds/sugdensquad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron wakes the morning after breaking up with Robert and instantly regrets what he's done. But when he decides to bite the bullet and make amends, he finds that Robert has taken his words literally... and has left the village. </p><p>(Based on a prompt on tumblr)</p>
            </blockquote>





	absence makes the heart grow fonder

**Author's Note:**

> Decided to post this here as well because I'm a sucker for comments (and also because after today's episode I thought we all needed a bit more depth to robron's interactions). Happy reading!

Aaron heaved in a breath, eyes flying open to further darkness as he grappled with the sheets tangled round his ankles. He reached out a hand, his mind still half shackled to the image of his father’s corpse, but his fingers brushed against the flattened duvet rather than Robert’s warm, solid body.

He was gone.

A small wave of panic overtook him and he sat upright, t-shirt damp with sweat and clinging too tightly against his skin. He felt hollow, almost as though yesterday had drained every emotion from him. He couldn’t feel anything, just the low, heavy beat of his heart.

His phone was on his bedside table and he switched on the screen, sighing as he realised it wasn’t even seven yet. He had barely slept, and when he had managed to close his eyes, the mortuary’s cold, empty corridors stretched endlessly in front of him, and at the end was Gordon, calling out to him.

He shivered, running a hand through his hair, and pushed himself off the bed. There was no way he was sleeping now. And besides, Robert would likely be awake and he needed to see him. Apologise, explain, apologise some more. This never ending dance they had, one of them always forgiving the other, one of them always saying they were sorry. He didn’t know how to stop it from happening. It was like a runaway train, and all he could do was watch as it split from the tracks, hurtling towards disaster.

His clothes were lying in a crumpled heap on the floor and he pulled them on, desperately ignoring that familiar, hospital smell which still clung to the material. It was light outside but still cold, and he grabbed his jacket from the hook before he left, deciding that he’d ask Robert to go for a walk with him. They could clear the air, free from the distractions which had begun to infiltrate their briefly happy bubble.

Aaron quickened his pace once he was free of the pub’s looming shadow, knowing already Robert would have found shelter at Vic’s. He’d likely have told them everything that happened, another reason for them to go somewhere quieter to talk.

He pulled out his phone and sent a quick text saying he was outside and waited. It had been their routine at one point, before they’d got back together. When the trial was a spectre haunting him, rather than a dot on the horizon, Aaron would text Robert from outside Keeper’s, asking to come in or if they could just go somewhere together. Robert had always answered within seconds. And Aaron had somehow felt calmer as soon as the door opened and they were united again.

This time though, no text came back. Aaron decided to call, just in case he wasn’t awake, but it rung out. Robert never ignored phone calls. Especially not from Aaron.

Another wave of panic threatened to pull him under and he pushed it down, knowing that it had likely just run out of battery. No big deal. He’d knock on the door. Yes, Adam would probably kill him for waking him up so early, but he’d get over it. This was too important.

The wood was painfully hard against his knuckles as he rapped them twice against the door. There were no lights on, but Robert’s room was at the back of the house so that didn’t mean he wasn’t already awake.

Another couple of minutes and then he heard footsteps descending the stairs. Relief almost floored him and he got ready to launch into an apology when the door opened and Vic, bleary-eyed and blinking, stood in front of him.

“Aaron?” He couldn’t decide whether it was confusion or exhaustion which made her voice hitch a little at the end.

“Hey. Sorry to wake you. I just wanted to speak to Robert.”

His gaze was already drifting over her shoulder towards the stairs where he could hear movement on the landing. But then Adam appeared, also looking confused, and he was dressed already. 

“What you doing, mate?” he asked, coming to stand behind Vic, an arm around her waist.

“It’s all right. I just need to see Robert. Can you get him for me?”

Adam and Vic shared a look which immediately put him on edge. It was hardly like it was a difficult request. And they knew him and Robert were together, it was a bit bloody late to have a problem with it now.

“I thought you and him were… you know… finished?” Adam queried, and now he understood the look.

“It’s fine. That’s why I’m here, to talk to him. We just need to clear the air.”

The look was back, and he was getting severely pissed off that neither of them seemed to be in any hurry to go get Robert.

“Aaron, why don’t you come inside?”

“Seriously, I just need to speak to him. He can’t be that mad. Just go get him-”

“He’s not here,” Vic cut him off, her eyes already dropping to the floor as if she couldn’t bear to look at him.

“Well… where is he, then? With Diane?”

Adam sighed hard, glancing at Vic for a second before meeting Aaron's questioning stare.

“Mate, he packed all his stuff last night.  Left about half an hour ago. It’s why I’m dressed like this - I was giving him a hand to load the car up.”

Aaron hadn’t even realised his car was gone. He should have noticed that.

“So… where’s he gone, then? When’s he coming back?”

Somehow he knew the answer already, but he needed to be proven wrong. He needed Adam to tell him all this was a mistake. A joke. A bad dream. God he’d take anything over this reality.

“Didn’t look like he was coming back.”

He forced down the string of refusals heavy on his tongue and took a lurching step forwards. Vic moved to one side to let him passed and his feet started ascending the stairs, along the landing, until he was standing in the box room which had once been Robert’s.

And was now empty.

“No,” he whispered, but there was no denying it. All his stuff was gone, the wardrobe empty, his books and comics no longer cluttering the shelves. He was gone.

“Come and sit down. I’ll make you some tea,” he heard Adam say, but he couldn’t move. Couldn’t speak. Robert had left him. Properly left him. He was alone.

“Aaron?” He felt a hand on his arm just as his legs gave way, and suddenly he was on the floor, shaking his head and mouthing all the denials resounding in his head. This couldn’t be happening. _This couldn’t be happening_.

“Vic! Vic, get me a glass of water!” Adam yelled, but Aaron was attempting to get to his feet, arms shaking so badly that he half collapsed again just trying to push himself up.

“Don’t move, all right? Just stay still, don’t move.”

He needed to go. Needed to find him. If he could just get up…

There was a glass of water in his hand, and he forced himself to drink, knowing they wouldn’t let him leave until he did. The cold water ran down his throat and numbed him. He couldn’t feel a thing.

“But why?” he whispered, staring hard at the empty bed which should have had Robert in it.  Where was he? Why had he done this? Didn’t he realise how much Aaron needed him?

“He said you two had a fight, said he’d pushed you too far. What did he do, Aaron?”

The tears were all but choking him and he placed a hand against his mouth.

“Nothing. He didn’t do anything. It was all me…” He couldn’t finish, sobbing now as his chest caved inwards. Adam's arms were around him in an instant, strong and warm, but they weren’t Robert’s and so he pushed him away.

“Aaron, come on, mate. Talk to me. What’s happened?”

But how he could he even explain it when he barely understood himself? He’d just lashed out, so shaken by what he’d seen in that mortuary, and so angry with himself for bottling it when he finally had the chance to get some closure. And then Robert had been there, promising Charity to ‘talk him round’ and Aaron had gone from feeling numb to feeling _everything_ in a heartbeat. All those emotions he’d managed to push down over and over suddenly overwhelmed him, and then he was just yelling. Teeth gritted, eyes pricking with tears, his chest so full of rage he could barely breathe with it.

And then Robert wasn’t there, slipping out the door, and Aaron had just stood, unable to process what he’d done.

“Aaron?”

He turned, the last tears now drying on his cheeks, and shook his head. “I’ve messed everything up. God, Adam, what have I done?”

“Look, it’ll be fine. You know Robert, he’ll go off in a huff for a day or two and then he’ll be back.”

But the idea of not seeing him for even an hour seemed unbearable to him. And what if he didn’t come back? What if he really was done with him?

“How was he? This morning?”

Adam was kneeling beside him now, and he shrugged, desperately trying not to look at him. It was hardly a good sign.

“Quiet. He didn’t really say much all last night - just said he’d screwed up and you’d broken up with him. And then he was just packing everything into bags, and we tried to stop him… told him to sleep on it. But this morning…”

“He still wanted to go,” Aaron finished, the weight of exhaustion pressing down hard on his shoulders. He couldn’t handle this. Not right now. Not ever, if he was being honest, but especially not now.

“He did seem cut up about it. I don’t think he actually _wanted_ to leave,” Adam said softly, but the words were of little comfort. Robert still wasn’t here. He had still packed away his life and driven off into the sunset. Without him.

He wiped his sleeve across his face, sniffing hard as he got to his feet. He needed some air. He needed to walk and think and… He needed Robert.

“Come downstairs. Vic can make you some breakfast, or we can go to Bob’s if you like?”

“He didn’t answer his phone…” Aaron said absent-mindedly, no longer listening to anything Adam was saying. He was clutching his mobile in his hand, staring at it blankly as though it might answer all the terrifying questions rattling around inside his head.

“Why don’t we call him again, yeah? He’ll have been driving, won’t he? That’s probably why he didn’t pick up.”

Adam gently removed the mobile from his hand and dialled the number. There was an agonising pause, and then suddenly he heard it ringing. The phone was ringing. But not his phone. Robert’s.

Adam spun round, eyes darting around the room until they halted on the mobile vibrating loudly against Robert’s desk.

“Shit,” Adam groaned, going over to pick it up.

“He left it here. Oh God…” It was like he was drowning, the current of fear pulling him under until he was completely submerged. How the Hell would he get in touch now? How would Aaron ever make amends if he didn’t even have a way to contact him?

“It’s fine. Look, if he’s forgotten it, then he’ll come straight back. Robert’s permanently glued to the thing, isn’t he? He’ll come back, Aaron. He will.”

But maybe he’d left it on purpose. A fresh start. A clean slate. Maybe he didn’t want to be found.

He felt his knees buckle a little and grabbed the door handle to keep himself upright. He couldn’t break, not yet, not in front of Adam. He needed to go home, lock his door, and then he could fall into the heartache. But not right now. He couldn’t do this now.

A door slammed downstairs and Adam was just brushing past him, calling Vic’s name, when suddenly he heard a voice that was most definitely not Victoria’s.

“Don’t worry, it’s just me. I forgot my phone, thought I should take it just in case Aaron- Just in case anyone needs to get in touch.”

For a second, the floor seemed to tip and he lost his balance, stumbling forwards back out onto the landing, gravity pulling him in the direction of that achingly familiar voice.

“Robert,” he half-yelled, though his voice was so weak and hoarse that it came out as more of a croak.

Robert was just at the foot of the stairs, and Aaron flew down them before wrapping his arms tightly round Robert’s neck. He felt them both pitch backwards, the sheer force of the embrace sending them off-balance, but then Robert straightened, his arms encircling Aaron and pulling him closer.

“Aaron, what’s-?”

“Don’t leave,” Aaron mumbled into Robert’s neck, the tears already thick in the back of his throat. _He came back_ , was all he could think. _H_ _e came back.  
_

Robert’s grip on him loosened for a fraction of a second before tightening again, and Aaron had forgotten how peaceful it was to be held like this, to be this close to someone. He’d missed it so much more than he’d realised.

“I thought… I thought you wanted me gone?” He sounded so hesitant, so afraid, and Aaron buried his nose into the side of Robert’s neck, losing himself in the feeling of just being here. With him.

“I don’t. Please, Robert, don’t leave,” he whispered, pushing back the sob he desperately wanted to let out. He had him back, that’s all that mattered. He didn’t need to cry now.

Robert’s arms slid a little lower till they were loosely wrapped around his waist, and then he felt a hand against his cheek, tipping his face up until they were looking at each other.

“I’m sorry, Aaron. I should never have said that… about talking you round. I know how it sounded… I didn’t mean it. Not like that. I swear, I wasn’t trying to make the decision for you.”

“I know. I’m so sorry… Everything I said… it wasn’t even about you. I bottled it, Robert. I never said anything to him, I just couldn’t speak… once I saw him lying there. I bottled it.”

Robert’s thumb stroked along his cheek and he shook his head, green eyes soft and open. “You went, that’s more than most would have done. You can put it behind you now.”

“But he’s still there. He’s always going to be there,” Aaron whispered, and now he could see the mortuary again, the infinite, white corridor, the corpse staring at him from the shadows. He gripped Robert’s forearm, needing an anchor.

“He won’t be, Aaron. Not anymore. You can move on, and we’ll all help… If you still want… I mean, if you still want me?”

He didn’t often notice it. Maybe it was there more than he realised. But now he saw it. The fear in Robert’s eyes, the vulnerability which made his whole face soften, until he looked almost like a little boy.

Aaron said nothing, just reached up onto his tip-toes and placed the tenderest of kisses against Robert’s lips. He lingered for a moment, savouring the sweet touch of their mouths brushing against each other, before smiling.

“What does that tell you?”

Robert’s shoulders slumped in relief, his mouth lifting just a little at the corners.

“Think it tells me I’m staying put,” he finally replied, pulling Aaron closer until they were back wrapped around each other. _  
_

_And I’m never letting you go,_ he thought, his eyes fluttering shut as they fell into each others embrace.


End file.
